RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: Murder on the Brexit Express. The Brexit saga has all the ingredients of an Agatha Christie thriller — money, politics, intrigue, conspiracy, blackmail, and a strong, stable female central character. The Brexit saga has all the ingredients of an Agatha Christie thriller — money, politics, intrigue, conspiracy, blackmail, and a strong, stable female central character. Following this week’s news that Murder On The Orient Express is being remade, who better to sort out this unholy mess than Hercule Poirot himself? It will need the considerable skills of the celebrated Belgian detective to unravel the plot and get to the truth. We join the drama as Poirot gathers the suspects in the dining car of the Brexit Express, as it leaves Brussels for the very last time bound for London.

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It helps if you do the voice.)Mesdames et messieurs, you are probably wondering why I have invited you all here this morning. Sacre bleu, Poirot. I’ve not had my petit- dejeuner yet. I could murder un grand cognac et un bacon banjo.

All in good time, mon cher Jean- Claude Drunker. Ze buffet, it will be open shortly.

In the meantime, Captain ’Astings will relieve you all of your mobile telephonic devices. We don’t want any leaks to ze newspaper sensationelle Deutschland Uber Alles.

Just get on with it, you irritating French dwarf. You have the charisma of a damp rag and you dress like a pox doctor’s clerk. Mind your language, s’il vous plait, Monsieur Farage. I shouldn’t need to remind someone with your surname zat I am Belgian, not Francais.

And I have been resident in London for many years. Not for much longer, chum. We’re taking back control of our borders. Be careful what you wish for, Farage. Poirot is your best hope of getting out of the EU alive. Zat is why Inspector Japp of Scotland Yard has asked me to apply my little grey cells to zis case. Just get on with it, you irritating French dwarf.

You have the charisma of a damp rag and you dress like a pox doctor’s clerk, fumes Nigel Farage in Murder on the Brexit Express. Very well, but hurry up and open the bar. I’m gasping for a pint of Bombardier and a large gin and tonic chaser. Allow me to summarise the situation. There has been an attempt, most serieux, to steal the result of the Brexit referendum from under ze noses of the British people. That is an outrageous suggestion, Poirot. We are merely trying to prevent a hard Brexit.

Not so outrageous, Monsieur Clegg. You and your fellow conspirators have resorted to methods most foul to rob the British people of their democratically expressed destiny. As you know perfectly well, a so- called ‘soft’ Brexit means no Brexit at all. We are only trying to save the poor, deluded fools from themselves. They didn’t know what they were voting for. They bought the fake news peddled by the Right- wing Press. Unlike the fake news peddled by Project Fear, the BBC and the Financial Times, n’est- ce pas?

Ze editor of the FT got the French Legion d’Honneur for services to Europe, did he not? Pink ’Un by name, pinko by nature. Now look here, Poirot, you’re Belgian, for heaven’s sake. Whose side are you on? Poirot, he is on the side of truth and justice, a concept which seemingly is lost on Remoaniers like you, Monsieur Blair.

Steady on, Poirot. Everybody knows I’m a straight kinda guy.

Then I suggest you get yourself a good lawyer, Monsieur Blair. And I don’t mean votre femme, la Witch Wicked. As straight as a corkscrew, Monsieur Dossier Dodgy. And in case you have forgotten, Poirot still intends to get to the bottom of the death of Dr Kelly.

Careful, Poirot. I know my human rights. Zen I suggest you get yourself a good lawyer, Monsieur Blair. And I don’t mean votre femme, la Witch Wicked, from Les Nonces Sommes Nous.

Sorry to interrupt, Poirot. What is it, ’Astings?

We’ve just heard that the line is blocked at Calais. Apparently, a few thousand of those migrant chappies are trying to cross the Channel before Britain pulls up the old drawbridge. The British people didn’t know what they were voting for in the EU referendum. They bought the fake news peddled by the Right- wing Press, exclaims Nick Clegg in Murder on the Brexit Express. I knew there would be an attempt diabolique to derail the Brexit Express.

Zis is your fault, Frau Merkin.‘Ow iz it mein fault, Poirot? You left the back door wide open and invited into our safe European home millions of undesirables Arabistes and jihadists Islamique. I should have Inspector Japp charge you with the assisted suicide of an entire continent.

You are forgetting zat you are addressing ze most powerful woman in Europe. Not for much longer, Frau Merkin. Permettez- moi to introduce Frau May, la Iron Lady Marque Deux, la Boadicea de Brexit. Bonjour, Hercule.

Bonjour, Angela. What’s she doing here, Poirot? I’ve been on a hiking holiday in the Swiss Alps and I was determined not to miss the last train out of Brussels.

Brexit means Brexit, deal or no deal. I’m not even discussing a deal unless you write a cheque for 1.

European Central Bank, Frankfurt. That’s blackmail. Can’t you arrest her, Poirot? Un moment, Madame May. But first, you, too, still have some questions to answer. Oh, very well. But I warn you Poirot, I can be a bloody difficult woman.

I’m not even discussing a deal unless you write a cheque for 1. European Central Bank, Frankfurt, says Angela Merkel in Murder on the Brexit Express. You say that Brexit means Brexit, but where were you in the six months leading up to the referendum? Hiding behind the chaise- longue, n’est- ce pas? If Poirot is not mistaken, you were for Remain. That was before I saw the chance to become Prime Minister.

How do we know that you’re not part of the conspiracy to stop Britain leaving the EU? Oh, for heaven’s sake, Poirot. I’ve called a General Election to strengthen my negotiating hand. You should be investigating Drunker and his chums for trying to influence the election. Pardon, Madame. Their clumsy attempts to interfere will only make a Tory victory more likely.

You know full well ze British people don’t like being held to ransom, especially by foreigners. And your point is? I submit, Mrs May, that you have asked your friends Frau Merkin and Monsieur Drunker to threaten Britain most dastardly because it plays into your hands. Why on earth would I do that? Oh, for heaven’s sake, Poirot. I’ve called a General Election to strengthen my negotiating hand.

You should be investigating Drunker and his chums for trying to influence the election, says Theresa May in in Murder on the Brexit Express. If you get a big majority, you can then turn round and announce that Brexit was a big mistake and Britain will be staying in the EU after all. And the 1. 7. 4 million who voted Leave will have been screwed royalement. You cannot be serious. Nor can you, Madame. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have made Bonquing Boris your Secretaire Foreign. Er, Poirot . . . What is it now, ’Astings?

I was just getting to ze denouement. Well, the good news is that they’ve cleared away the migrants at Calais. Excellente. The bad news is that someone has driven a sort of shepherd’s hut packed with explosives into the Channel Tunnel and is threatening to blow it up unless there’s a second referendum on Brexit. I knew it, zey are all in it together and think they can get away with murder.

Inspector Japp, arrest them all!

Free Murder Mystery Party Plan. Last month, I hosted my first murder mystery party. It was a blast! When I was preparing for the party, I was surprised by the lack of free murder mystery party plans. There are several websites who will gladly sell you well thought out mystery events but there are no free complete party plans! So, the purpose of this blog post is to explain how I planned my party and to share with you my Murder Mystery Party for free! The first part of the blog post is explaining the event and its outcome. You will find all copies of the emails and character information I sent to my detectives at the bottom of this post. The Murder Mystery.

I didn’t have a lot of time to plan the murder mystery, so I decided to let my sleuth detectives/party guests create their own character’s backstory. I figured if I let them own the character, they would be more invested in the party and they would roleplay their character.

I was right. I told everyone the party was casino themed. I never mentioned for anyone to buy props, but most of them did. We had wooden baseball bats, scuba gear, water guns, and even a fake earpeice! I was amazed that everyone dressed- up like their character. But, I am getting ahead of myself… The characters will be explained later in this post, first I must explain the scenario. Since the party was to be a casino theme I decided to have the murder mystery take place in a swanky casino bar.

I was the owner of said casino. Here is the basic scenario of the murder mystery night: All of the people at the party were guests at my casino. Everyone has gathered into my casino bar for the star performer, the best Elvis impersonator in all of Vegas. As the show starts, a gun shot echoes throughout the bar. The curtain comes up, and Elvis goes down. The casino’s bar doors slam shut and everyone in the bar is now a suspect to the murder of the Elvis impersonator. The guests must deduce who the murderer is.

In order to win the prize they must make an accusation and tell me: WHO committed the murder, HOW they committed the murder and WHY they committed the murder. Some of the investigators had clues, these clues helped form the correct accusation. Some of the clues were not important to the murder mystery but would provide back story to some characters and lead some detectives on the wrong line of investigation. I will now explain the events that led up the murder, this information is for your eyes only and will help explain the murderer’s intentions at the end of the night. This story can be determined through combining the clues, this will be explained later.

One of the characters is ‘The singing coach’. He has been married to his wife for 1. Las Vegas for turning no- name singers into stars.

He has been teaching the Elvis impersonator for the last 5 months. The singing coach is at the casino bar on a weekly basis, watching Elvis perform. During the last 5 months the teacher and his protege began an affair with each other. Elvis wanted the coach to leave his wife and start a relationship with him.

Coach promised Elvis he would, but he was lieing, he never intended to leave his wife. A week before the murder, Elvis threatens to expose the love affair. That night at the bar the coach sees “The Gun Nut” has left his trusty revolver on the table.

He takes the revolver and promptly leaves. A week later the Coach uses the stolen gun to shoot and kill Elvis on stage. Since everyone is watching the stage no one sees the Coach fire the gun and he blends into the crowd. How will your murder mystery guests every deduce this story? By following the clues.“The Escort”’s clue: “Elvis once paid the Escort to accompany him to a wedding. The escort tried to fool around with Elvis afterwards but he was not interested.” This clue is meant to imply Elvis is gay.“The Gun Nut”’s clue: “You lost your gun at the casino bar last week.” This clue is meant to imply any regular could have the gun, guests that have never been to the casino before will not have been able to grab the gun.“The Reporter”’s clue: “The reporter has been following Elvis for a story and he found out that Elvis was in a relationship with someone who was married.” This clue implies that guests who are not married would not have murdered Elvis. Is this character a regular at the casino?

Is this character married? Explicitly tell all guests that they are not the murder, there were some characters I created that were red harrings, (i. Stress the importance of working together as a group to determine the murder’s identity, method and motive. Combining clues is the only way to determine these three facts. I also suggest acting as the lead detective if no one else takes the initiative. Simply asking: “What clues do we have and who would that rule out?” was excellent for narrowing down the pool of suspects.

The escort went on a paid date with Elvis and Elvis was not interested in her at all, he didn`t even fool around with her. This is supposed to suggest Elvis is having a relationship with another man, i`m not sure if they will pick up on this. The reporter knows that Elvis was in a relationship with someone who is married, I am hoping most people will think he is having a relationship with a women, but in fact he is having the relationship with a man. Subject: Your detective skills are requested for a Murder Mystery Party.

Imagine this: WHY did she or he commit the murder. HOW did they commit the murder. Note: Some other guests have guns with them, they are meant to throw the investigators off the trail of the coach. However, if your party guests are wasting too much time trying to prove another guest with a gun is the murderer you can release the following clue: “The Gun Nut’s gun was the murder weapon”. So combining these three clues your guests should have a suspect profile in mind: a married person who has been to the casino before.

Each character will have the following two characteristics in their profile: Using these two traits and the suspect profile the majority of the suspects will be eliminated. Email Templates and Character Information. The last section of this blog post contains Email templates and character information. Have fun hosting your murder mystery party! Please, leave a comment and let me know how it went! Here is a video of clips from the night: http: //www.

ULq. 18. FI0. YUMandatory Core Characters: Investigator/reporter You are a resident bad boy and have earned quite a reputation for his ability to try any underhanded trick you can think of to get the latest scoop. Of course, your methods aren’t always legal…but that only matters if you get caught, right? Note: You have never been to the casino before. Clue: You have been following Elvis for a story and you know that he was in a relationship with someone who was married.

The Gun Nut You own several guns. You and your wife are a die- hard Elvis fans and you believe this Elvis impersonator is terrible since you have seen him before.

You have been to several of his other shows and heckle him on and off stage. You are NOT the murderer. Clue: You lost your gun at the casino bar last week. Watch Bite Online Hitfix.

Escort you attend to a good number of Cinema Magic’s most esteemed guests. You pride yourself on your class and would never associate with a hussie from the street. Clue: Elvis once paid the Escort to accompany him to a wedding.

The escort tried to fool around with Elvis afterwards but he was not interested. Recently Fired Gladiator Actor: You and Elvis used to be best friends. You were previously employed by the casino to entertain the gamblers. Elvis ratted you out to the owner for drinking on the job. One night in a drunken stupor you told the dancer that you were going to stab Elvis in the back, like Brutus stabbed Ceaser. The Singing Coach: You are the murderer.

You must tell others: You are a singing coach who has been coaching Elvis with his voice. You give him private lessons and are frequently at the casino to critique and watch him. You are married to your wife (who is not at the casino tonight).